the new year’s almost here. woah. i think 2017 has been the weirdest and hardest and most beautifulest and most horrendous year in my life so far. tons of ups and downs. i really hope that 2018 is going to be just as beautiful or better, and preferably a bit let horrendous. maybe a bit more balanced. that would be a breath of fresh air, i’m sighing writing this. last year i wrote a list of things i wanted to do this year and i also reflected on that in my last post, so i am now going to write another list for the upcoming year, to set some goals for myself, to create hope and excitement for the 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours that are to come.
read more. writing these two words honestly confused me because of the read more button you’ve just clicked on if you are reading this. haha. i just meant, literally, reading more books. when i dive into a novel, i can get completely lost in it. i flee into imaginary worlds and feel the emotions of the characters and for a while i don’t have to deal with my own. i absolutely adore it.
be a bit more fucking selfish. stop putting others first. i need to learn that if i put others first, i teach them that i come second. but i need to come first, for myself. i need to listen to myself. and to accept that self love is not arrogant but incredibly needed.
write and write and write. in the past year, i wrote a lot on instagram but i often hid the reality, i just quickly typed something “inspirational” or talked about my day a bit. the vulnerable posts were there for sure but they did not help me too much. in the last month i started using a diary again and that helps me, and i want to continue that. writing everyday to free myself is a huge help for me and the mess that i like to call my head.
make art. which takes a lot of forms. painting, charcoal, make up, music, love, dancing.
stop being afraid. let go of fear because fear is using your imagination the wrong way around. and let’s say i have a huge fantasy. the universe has a plan for me (at least i hope so) and it changes absolutely nothing to worry about things. in two years it probably won’t matter anymore, that thing that scares me so much right now.
look how i want. i’m getting very good at this already but i want to be even more fearless. i started wearing whatever the hell i wanted last year, i wore red and brown lipstick to school and really want to wear black at least once as well. and eyeshadow!! it’s honestly so much fun and i haven’t really worn it outside of my bathroom. i want to get out of my comfort zone and stick to being me. put effort in my outfits cause i always feel so good when i do.
see europe by myself. if mom lets me (small chance, but i can dream), i really want to take the train all by myself and travel around europe, see germany, france, meet some people i’ve been wanting to meet. you can learn so much by travelling by yourself. (and i’m choosing europe cause i don’t want to take the plane cause that’s so bad for the environment. and because i absolutely love the train.)
graduate. i’m in my last year of secondary school right now and in june, if my grades are good enough, i’m outta here. i’m going to study to become a kindergarten teacher and i am so incredibly excited for this chapter to end so i can begin pursuing my passions instead of learning chemical formulas by hard. i love children so so much ah it’s insane. a teacher told me i light up when i talk about it and that is probably my favourite thing anyone has ever told me.
save the world. well yeah. i’m still me. y’all if you want to give me a real meaningful present for my birthday which was earlier this month or for christmas, please go vegan (click here, here and here and do your freaking research), stop fucking throwing your trash on the ground and be the change you want and need to see in the world. become a peaceful activist for veganism, feminism, human rights and let’s stop climate change. take responsibility before it’s too late and we all drown or suffocate because some close minded person thought they couldn’t live without freaking cheese (vegan cheese exists). thank you.
get better/heal. so in the beginning of january i’m going to see sort of a therapist, a lady from school that is supposed to help with mental health, and i’m hopeful. i want to stop the outrageous moodswings and i want to want to be alive all the time, i want to be excited, to be happy, to not feel such stupid things. i want to be a balanced and generally content human bean.
aRt sHOp. finallyyyy. i really want to sell prints of my favourite paintings, which i am maybe going to start doing during christmas break (aka the upcoming two weeks) or during summer. let’s see how productive i’m going to be (it’s also a possible scenario that i’m just going to lay in bed and read for fourteen days).
be kind & soft. to others, of course, but most importantly to myself. to charlie. charlotte. charles. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? CHARLIE, YOU ARE OKAY. BE KIND TO YOU FIRST. i am not worthless, far from that. not having friends does not make you unlovable. i am enough. acne is not ugly. i do not need to lose weight. my hair is pretty and my eyes too. repeat after me. i. am. enough.
i wish you a magical year filled with an immense amount of love and i hope that we all may find peace and that lots of smiles are awaiting us.
love always, charlie