hi lovies, it’s been a while again!
a few days ago, a girl came up to me. i had always looked up to her, at how easily she talked to everyone and her amazing laugh and she is just super sweet. she came up to me and asked if i used to be insecure. how i got better at being self confident. it was weird because to me, she really didn’t seem like someone with insecurities. of course, everyone has them, but i tend to forget that. i tend to think that everyone feels so great about themselves and that everyone is in relationships but me and i tend to forget that that is not the case. it’s important to remember that everyone is going through battles that you have no clue about so you should always be as kind as possible, to everyone. even to unkind people, they probably need it most. anyways, i thought i’d write again because writing > all else and because i want to help that girl and everyone else who might need help feeling stronger about themselves and also as a gentle reminder for myself, because yes, most of the time i’m confident lately, but far from always.
so i have a few practical tips to instantly improve your self confidence that i’ve been using myself and they really work.
a super easy one is to take selfies. you try to find a beautiful angle and lighting and you take a photo of yourself. cringey, i know. it’s hard to look at yourself. but it feels super good to take like fifty and find some that you actually like. something similar to this is having a tiny photoshoot. i remember when i started making outfit posts on my old blog and i let my sister take photos of me and in the beginning i was so hard on myself, but i held on. and at some point, we did a photoshoot, and suddenly i couldn’t choose just a few pictures. i found myself looking hella rad in all of them. that feeling was so cool and everyone deserves to feel that way. (if you’re wondering, that was this post).
tip number two. look at yourself in the mirror. just go stand in front of that piece of glass, and stare into your own eyes. incredibly fucking confronting, i know. but don’t look away. it’s difficult. some people start crying. but don’t be afraid. eyes are soulportals. emotions will come up, but keep staring. it’s okay love. this is you. look at your eyes. when you’ve done that for a while and you start being comfortable you can go on to the next step, which is smiling. it will feel weird, because society has brainwashed you into not liking you. you are going against that. but, stay strong. keep smiling at yourself. at first it will feel super freaking forced and not-so-nice but after a while, you’ll start doing it automatically and naturally. who doesn’t want an extra person smiling at them on a regular basis? after that you can level up and go see a bigger mirror. take off your clothes. yup. you’re naked. woohoo, it’s a b o d y. why are we so afraid to look at our own bodies? your glorious legs carry you around on a daily basis. LOOK AT YOU. YOU’RE SO GORGEOUS. and when you’re finally comfortable with your bare body, the last upgrade is to have a private naked dance party. put on your jam and dance in front of the mirror. no shame, it’s only you. an undeniable step in confidence is being comfortable with your beautiful body. beautiful has no size.
okay so i have no clue how that goes with other phones but iphones have this app called “reminders”. throughout the day, i get reminders from me for me, saying things like “you are a strong independent woman” or “don’t forget to breathe” or “hey there you beautiful bean”. at first i got kinda annoyed at them tbh, probably again because i was being confronted with not really liking me. but after a while that mindset started to fade away. now when i get a notification saying “you are talented”, i smile, get a thought saying “true”, and go on with what i was doing. it’s a huge life changer.
stand up straight (don’t necessarily be it, but that’s another story). head up, shoulders and back straight. smile. show what you got honey. you deserve to take up space. do not belittle yourself. it’s really easy to hide in a corner and try to disappear. but you are worthy of being here and you should never want to be smaller than you are. your posture has an enormous impact on your feeling of self worth.
fake it till you make it (; when you feel down or ugly or whatever, oblige your mouth to form a smile. it will confuse your brain which will think, hey, the mouth is in a position of happiness, we must be happy?? and it will start producing those hormones that cause you to feel happiness. turn your thoughts around. everyone has destructive thoughts. whenever you think “ugh, i look so ugly today”, and you notice it (that’s such an important step already), just completely turn it around. think, “wow, i look so pretty today”. and no, you won’t instantly believe yourself. but after a period of practicing that on a daily basis, you will. and after another while, you won’t have to consciously change your thoughts anymore, as they will come instinctively. you will just think out of nowhere, damn do i look cute. AND THAT FEELS SO GOOD, BEING YOUR OWN CHEERLEADER FEELS SO GREAT.
realize that self love. is. not. arrogance. in a society that benefits from self doubt, that profits from us hating our bodies, it is a rebellious act to actually love yourself. it’s more socially accepted to hate yourself and to be disgusted by your body than to honour the magical being you are and that is so fucked up. many teenager girls and boys are afraid to like themselves because of the fear of coming over as pretentious. let me tell you one thing, and please believe me, loving yourself is not arrogant. it is a revolution. the more people do it, the more it will be normalized. be the change. we are the change. don’t be scared.
forget the idea that you need to [fit in]. you know what, we gotta ]fit oUt[. as long as you like you, you’re good. then, it doesn’t matter anymore if you are a popular kid or not. after high school no one will care anymore anyways about your “status”. you do you kid. if you are comfortable with how you look and what you do, that is enough. your own validation is endlessly more valuable than anyone else’s. that’s also why compliments you get don’t really mean anything if you don’t believe them yourself.
positive affirmations! you’ve been brainwashed into self destructive thoughts, now turn that around. try to wake up in the morning and think, good morning gorgeous. let’s have a great day. you look hella rad. and even if first, you think “argh another shitty day” that’s alright. it’s not too late. this is a journey and it’s good that you are starting to notice those tiny dark thoughts and you still can replace them by something constructive. put post its on your mirror with cute compliments. tell yourself you look good. it’ll take a while, and then you will eventually believe it.
try noticing what makes you feel good and bad about yourself and pay attention to that. i came to notice that when i like what i’m wearing i always feel 100% more confident. so what i’m trying to do is pick an outfit for the next day in the evening cause when it’s seven am i’m usually not super inspired and often end up throwing on some leggings and big sweater. and i also noticed that when my hair is greasy i easily start feeling super self conscious and insecure, so i make sure i wash it often enough. life is way too short to waste it on tiny things like that, that are so easy to change. try to list the things that make you feel good and do them often!! for example, for me that is writing. writing all of this is putting me in such a good mood and i’m feeling super confident now as well.
and my last tip requires a bit of courage (thinking of it, all of them kinda do). walk up to someone you’re really close to and that you trust and ask them to make a list of five (or more) things they like about you. make another list like that yourself, as well. hang the lists up next to your bed so you can read all those qualities you possess when you feel not-so-confident. you can add new things when you notice them. read your list over and over and over. your brain works on habit mechanisms. as i said with all the tips above, repeat and repeat and repeat. after a while, thinking positively about yourself will become a habit and will come naturally.
i really really hope all of this might help someone and thank you for reading this far. i didn’t plan on this post becoming such a novel lol. sending a billion hugs, charlie
(oh and i have another tip!! compliment others!! it will make them feel good which will make you feel good and positivity and love multiply when shared which is so cool. and if you get compliments yourself do not deny them!! the person meant what they said and it will make both of you feel a lot better if you genuinely thank them rather than if you say that it’s not true. gratitude is so important!!) (and a last one, don’t compare. everyone is different and there is not one certain type of person that is beautiful. it’s when you start shining that you start being beautiful, not when you reached a certain weight for example.)