the new year’s almost here. woah. i think 2017 has been the weirdest and hardest and most beautifulest and most horrendous year in my life so far. tons of ups and downs. i really hope that 2018 is going to be just as beautiful or better, and preferably a bit let horrendous. maybe a bit more balanced. that would be a breath of fresh air, i’m sighing writing this. last year i wrote a list of things i wanted to do this year and i also reflected on that in my last post, so i am now going to write another list for the upcoming year, to set some goals for myself, to create hope and excitement for the 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours that are to come.
hi. wow. this is weird.
maybe you noticed. it’s been a while. my last blogpost was published three and a half, almost four months ago. in those months, my words have found their way out of my brain either through instagram captions, through texts at my (ex?) best friend or through a pen and little notebooks. lately i’ve emptied pens at an incredibly high speed. i wasn’t safe anywhere but my diary, and the thoughts needed to get out of my brain. they had to get out, to transform into sentences to clear the messy chaos or chaotic mess that is my head.
hi my cool blog-friends.
you may have noticed, it’s been a while since i showed up on my little website. a few months, actually. i used to post way more often on here. why? what was the reason of my absence? was it laziness? lack of time, motivation? probably a mixture of all those. it wasn’t the lack of ideas in any case, i had enough of those. i just focused more on youtube, instagram, friendships, myself. i posted a lot of pictures, a few videos, went on holidays with my family and on a weekend with my best friend, went to two festivals (i vlogged both but only edited the first one yet) and i worked the whole month of august. i worked in the retirement home and also got attached to lots of old people (hA).
during these months, i learned a lot. probably more than i learn at school. i believe the world and real life are the best teachers. so i’m gonna tell you about some things i learned this summer. Continue reading “some things i learned this summer”
Friendship. It’s not something to take for granted, because real friends are very rare and it’s not esy to find them. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been left and excluded out of groups often enough. It’s only this schoolyear that I’ve found my best friends in the world. I already knew some of them before, but this year I became really close with them. I absolutely adore my friends and I am going to give you some tips to find your squad. People who value who you are. Continue reading “friendship is precious ♡ “
“Charliee! Wake up! We’re going to Bio-Planet!” As every Saturday morning, we would be going to two organic supermarkets to buy food. I opened my eyes and gave a look at my clock. 7:37 a.m. (tbh I’m not entirely sure anymore what time it was but I wanted to write down something so this is a guess okay) I looked up at the sky and got overwhelmed by a flush of gratefulness running through my entire body as I realized it was the weekend and I didn’t have school. The sky was grey and there were raindrops laying on the glass. I smiled and curled up a little more under my duvets. I slowly let myself get back into the waken world again. After a few minutes I swung my legs gently out of the bed and stretched. I made a quick messy bun and wanted to take a glance in the mirror to see if I was kinda presentable. When I laid my eyes on myself, my heart skipped a beat. In red lipstick, someone wrote “i am enough ♡“. I looked at it and I stopped breathing for a second. Tears moved into my eyes. I ran into my bathroom/atelier/art room and looked in the mirror that was there. It said the exact same. I went to my sisters’ room and there as well, the mirror displayed the same letters that had moved me so much. Continue reading “i am enough.”
“No!” I screamed, as I hid under my duvet. “Leave me alone! Please just go away!” My mom and two siblings didn’t. “This is MY room!! Go away,” I cried, but they still were there, trying to convince me to come out of my bed, that I wasn’t ugly and useless. As they weren’t leaving, I ran downstairs myself, crying, heart pounding, wanting to disappear, and I curled up in mom’s bed instead. (this happened on Tuesday)
Isn’t it ironic, how you take a break when you feel like you’re breaking? When you lay in your bed for days and are mean to everyone when the only thing you want to do is cry and curl up in your mom’s lap? When you are sad without real reason? I think that that kind of sadness is the worst one, when you don’t really know why you’re not feeling well.